the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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