Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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