Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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