So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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