mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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