You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
