What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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