i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
