he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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