hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
