I wanna bring you to show and tell
thus making me awesome and them whores
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
