i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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