i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
