I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
