I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
