I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
