remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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