spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I am midnight drunk by noon
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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