omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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