It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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