I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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