The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
