TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
