If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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