Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had to cum in my sink.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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