I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
