I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
