fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
