so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
