Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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