I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
