Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
