thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
