I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
