The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
