thus making me awesome and them whores
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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