I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
