i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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