How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
