I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
