this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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