It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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