you guys were way drunker than both of me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
