Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
