He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
