you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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