Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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