drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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