I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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