How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
