Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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