I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
