he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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