i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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